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DEAR HARRIETTE: I just found out that my mother made a pass at my ex-boyfriend.
I always suspected this because I noticed the subtle flirting when he would come around. It has always frustrated me how flirty she is with younger guys in general, but I am furious that she actually made a move on my ex.
Now that he has confirmed that she did make a pass at him, should I confront her? If so, how? This is my mother we are talking about!
Mad at Mom
DEAR MAD AT MOM: Yes, you should confront your mother. She absolutely crossed the line when she flirted with and made a pass at your ex-boyfriend. That is not OK.
Because you know that she has this propensity to flirt with younger men, you also need to understand that whatever you say may fall on deaf ears. She will likely brush it off and say he blew the whole scene out of proportion. She might even claim that he came onto her.
Tell her that it saddens and angers you that your relationships are unsafe around her. Express your horror that you cannot trust your mother to be around your beau.
Further, you may need to keep your distance from her when you are with a partner — at least for now. Make it clear to her that she will see less of you and none of any man you begin to see if you feel that she will continue to cross that obvious, if invisible, line.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently graduated from college. Not long after graduating, I started seeing a woman about 10 years older than me. I already think things could work out between us in the long run. We have so much in common, and I love spending time with her.
The only thing I am concerned about is how different our financial situations are. She is 100% financially independent, established in her career and making great money. In contrast, I am still dependent on my parents.
I work part-time at a restaurant, and it doesn’t pay very much. She says that she is not bothered by the fact that I’m not making any serious money right now, but I know that I would be bothered by it if we were to take the next step in our relationship any time soon.
I don’t want to let go of what could potentially be a great relationship. What should I do?
Not Making Much
DEAR NOT MAKING MUCH: Make a plan for your future. What do you want to do with your life?
What timeline can you design for your plan? Envision the job, the home, the life you want, and map it out to the best of your ability. You can talk to your girlfriend about your plans as well. See if she wants to support your vision.
While she is likely being honest that your salary is not her focus now, you both will be in a better place if you have a plan in place that you are executing.
Agree on what you intend to do with your life, then invite her to support your efforts. Include your parents in this plan as well, considering you are still relying on them. It is possible for this relationship to work if you take the reins and map it out.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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