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DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband got stupid drunk on New Year’s Eve, and his behavior was horrific.
We were hanging out with close friends, thank God, but he truly showed his behind. I am completely embarrassed. He was cursing his head off and interrupting people when they talked. At one point, he was trying to grope my friend. It was just out of control.
When I spoke to him about it the next day, he shrugged it off. He didn’t remember — which is not a surprise, given how drunk he was — so to him, it didn’t happen.
This is not the first time my husband has essentially blacked out and acted aggressive and rude. I need this to stop. What can I do?
Out of Control
DEAR OUT OF CONTROL: Bring it up again when your husband is sober. Have several examples of his drunken behavior to mention to him. Tell him that this is unacceptable and must stop.
Tell him you believe he needs help because when he drinks, his behavior is out of control, rude, aggressive and potentially dangerous. Ask him to go to counseling, attend an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting or talk to someone else to address this.
It is likely that he will shrug it off, in which case you may want to record his behavior the next time he acts out. You can carefully capture his antics on your cellphone and show him later as evidence of your concerns.
Ultimately, you will need to decide if you can live with an out-of-control alcoholic who is unwilling to get help. If he refuses to change his behavior, what do you need to do to protect yourself?
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a work friend who moved away for another job a couple of years ago. I have tried to stay in touch with her, but she has never responded.
It is weird to me because I thought we were close — not like best friends, but still close. We have known each other for a long time, and I thought we always had positive feelings for each other.
Recently, I got her new work email address and sent her a holiday note. It was very light and simple. I thought that might trigger at least a hello back. Nothing.
I can’t think of anything I may have said or done that could have offended her, but if I inadvertently did upset her, I would want to fix that. What else can I do?
Bewildered
DEAR BEWILDERED: Consider sending one more note to your friend expressing your concerns.
Start by saying that you trust that things are going well with her new life in her new city. Then tell her that you miss her and have been attempting to connect with her ever since she left. Ask her if you have done anything to offend her. If you have, apologize, but make it clear that you really are lost as to what occurred to create a chasm in your friendship.
Tell her you would appreciate her getting back to you to set your mind at ease. See what happens next. The ball will then be in her court.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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