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DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a therapist, and this is about him. I like him very much. Too much!
I haven’t been interested in a man for some time. I don’t pursue relationships. I tend to go with the flow. Anyway, I would like things to develop into a friendship and maybe even more — much more.
There’s the conflict of him being my therapist as well as a priest. He was married once; so was I.
Should I lay it out — full disclosure — with him, or should I just go with the flow like I usually do? He may know how I feel. I don’t know.
Next Move
DEAR NEXT MOVE: Relationships with therapists can be tricky. On one hand, this is someone you really do need to let your guard down with. For you to grow in your own life, you need to trust this person and share your deepest feelings and experiences. That very naturally can lead to a sense of closeness to your therapist.
Know that he is trained to keep up guardrails so that you can be fully immersive without crossing lines of intimacy. What you are talking about would violate that professional boundary.
You need to decide whether you are willing to give up your current professional relationship with him in order to potentially have something more and different. You will need to find someone else to support you as a therapist. Then, he may not want to pursue a romantic relationship with you. Is the risk worth that possibility?
DEAR HARRIETTE: I was overwhelmed when I received an expensive Christmas gift from my friend. I never expected such a pricey present, and it left me feeling very grateful.
I felt that I had to do something in return to show my appreciation, but what could match the gesture they made?
Buying an equally extravagant gift didn’t seem right, as I would never be able to repay the thoughtfulness behind this one. Perhaps there is a different way I can show my gratitude that doesn’t involve money? Is there something I can do to show them just how much their kind gift meant to me?
Grateful
DEAR GRATEFUL: Are you so struck by this gift because of how much it cost, or by how thoughtful it was? I ask that because intention matters a lot.
Do you think your friend was trying to impress you by purchasing such an extravagant item for you, or do you think sentiment was the driver? You are right that you should not try to compete with the price tag, but you should have a sense of what motivated your friend to reach so far beyond your comfort zone with that gift.
In terms of what you can do to show your friendship, get creative. Think about your friend and what they like, as well as what you can do. What experience can you curate that will be memorable and meaningful?
The gift of time is the most precious. Can you plan a day trip where you visit sites that will inspire both of you, where you eat unusual food that you may both enjoy, or where you experience a cultural event that will forever be memorable? Think outside the box beyond dollars and toward shared experience. Let that be your lens.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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