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DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I recently joined a country club. Our kids are grown and graduating from college this year, and we found ourselves with extra income and a social void.
The club we joined is family-friendly. However, the last few times we have gone, we have gotten stuck next to clueless parents who sit with other couples and let their kids sit at their own table.
The kids are loud and constantly up and running around.
I’m not happy, as we are paying a considerable amount of money to belong and don’t want to put up with these brats on our nights out. I’m at a crossroads.
I said something to the hostess a month ago. However, last evening we were entertaining family friends and got stuck next to a table celebrating a 3-year-old’s birthday. To say they were obnoxiously loud would be an understatement.
I am at the point of contacting the board, but I really don’t want to be that guy.
GENTLE READER: Apparently you joined the wrong club. Country clubs, with their sports facilities, tend to attract families, which means children (or what you call “brats”), and that, in turn, leads to birthday parties and children who don’t sit still.
You might look for a city club with a good library. Or you could become active in the country club and propose separate dining areas for adults and children.
Whether you succeed will probably depend on the demographics of the membership. But if you continue to characterize children as you do, your chances are zero.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Like many others during the pandemic, I have found myself overweight and not looking my best. I am taking steps to improve my health, but I do not wish to be in pictures at this stage of my life. I don’t want to remember myself like this, nor do I want pictures of me floating around on social media.
Sometimes friends and family are insistent about getting a picture with me; I decline, insisting instead upon taking the picture rather than being in it.
Is there another approach I can take to get these pushy people to accept my boundaries? I don’t want to tell them I feel insecure about my looks because that would simply be met with, “Oh, you look fine.”
GENTLE READER: No matter what you weigh or how you think you look, picture-taking is now a widespread social nuisance. Even people whose livelihoods depend on being celebrated and photographed eventually come to hate it.
If you are asked, simply decline with no reason other than you do not want your picture taken. As you point out, self-deprecating remarks about your appearance will only sound as if you are hoping to be contradicted.
But Miss Manners knows that people don’t always ask. In such cases, you must defend yourself as best you can. Not having agreed to be a model, you are under no obligation to stand still.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was a widower, now I’m remarried, my current wife was divorced previously, and we have six adult daughters between us. What is the proper introductory word to use when describing these women? Are they our daughters, my stepdaughters, what?
GENTLE READER: “Our daughters.”
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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